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Military Appreciation Day is the biggest day of the year for our first year soldiers. It makes them proud to be soldiers with such a grand heritage -- more than a thousand years of defending our people from enemies both foreign and domestic.
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Our history dates back to the middle ages, when cross bows were used. First on the public tour is a demonstration of a large assault cross-bow. This one takes two men to operate it. One man loads while the other man cranks tension into the bow -- the cross-bow, no matter the size, used a crank to tense the bow more than even the strongest man could do by arm-power alone.

In battle it took great coordination to operate such a weapon. Watch as it's killing force is demonstrated on a criminal picked up off the streets this morning -- a homosexual spreading filth and disease to our unsuspecting citizenry. The arrow will fly so fast you won't be able to follow it, so don't watch the arrow, watch the man. In the twinkling of an eye, the arrow will pass through him with such force it will probably split the thick timber he is nailed to.

In any case, it will be an impressive demonstration of the cross-bow's killing power. Watch carefully.

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During great wars in the second half of the eighteenth century, a new kind of gun was developed -- one with unimaginable killing power -- the machine gun. It was able to literally mow down advancing men like they were grass -- chopping them in half. Two soldiers trained in the efficient use of a machine gun could kill a hundred men in a matter of two to three minutes.

You cannot understand how quickly and efficiently a machine gun works till you see it actually cut a man in half like it was a huge butcher's cleaver. Watch the man hanged by his ankles. Soon as our young soldier in costume clears the field, the soldiers in the distance will cut the man in half. Within seconds his chest and whole upper body will be laying on the grass while his legs and lower torso hang like a side of beef in a freezer.

 
One of your less-well performing fellow classmates has been chosen to demonstrate the simple firing squad. This is the traditional military form of execution. Since he is a civilian, he is allowed a blindfold. And since he is not a criminal, his modesty is being preserved by a towel across his lap. Should he choose to exhibit a perverse nature and hence become a criminal, he may have an erection that will pull the towel away. It is up to him whether to remain modest or become a criminal.

We have chosen several other under-performers from your class for this demonstration, so you may want to come back through several times to watch them. See if you can identify him before the execution. Afterwards his blindfold will be removed so you can all see.

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Interrogation is an important aspect of military life. Our own soldiers are trained not to give any information that could help the enemy, no matter how they are tortured. And they are trained in the most effective ways of extracting valuable information from enemy soldiers.

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Here a street criminal with no provable means of support has been interrogated by one of our soldiers. His exposed posture makes him especially susceptible to interrogation. Our 'enemy soldier' has told us all that he knows. Not it is time to get rid of him. A prisoner is just another mouth to feed. And in war food is scarce. So when they've told all they know, captured soldiers are executed.

Our brave soldier will demonstrate an especially amusing form of execution. He will shove the barrel of his rifle into the 'prisoner's' anus then give him what our soldiers call a 'hot lead fucking'. Pardon the French.

Watch carefully and you'll be able to see his belly blow up like a balloon as the hot bullets boil his blood and vaporize his guts.

After the execution we'll stay and watch a few minutes. It usually takes a man executed this way ten or fifteen minutes to die. During that time he contorts and agonizes in a most entertaining manner.

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During our recent bad experience in a country which shall remain unnamed, soldiers and civilians were indistinguishable. Our friends couldn't be distinguished from our enemies. Hence our soldiers became very frustrated. This made executions especially important for soldierly morale.

Innovation and variation were very important. Here is another homosexual criminal stretched by his arms and legs over a facsimile of a blown-out building opening. A soldier is watching close as a tank rolls up behind the captured enemy -- soldier or civilian didn't matter. Watch with him as the tank cannon presses against the prisoner's back. It will arch his belly forward, nearly poking through his back, nearly breaking his spine. Listen as the man screams and his cartilage snaps. When the tank driver is satisfied the man has been stretched enough, he will fire the cannon. The man's entire middle torso will disappear in a puff of red mist. His legs and nates will fall to the rubble below and his head and arms will hang from the ropes above.

This ends our short walking tour demonstrating various execution methods used in our military both past and present. I hope you enjoyed the tour. After you've looked through other exhibits, if the lines aren't too long, you may wish to take this tour again. If so, I hope to be your guide again. Thanks for taking the tour with me and have a fantastic day here at our open house. And any young men in the tour who want to enlist, there are recruiter booths all over the parade grounds.

 

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